For crying out loud how old do I look?

We needed some new State shirts quick like the other night, so we made a quick run to Steve and Barrys. I saw a cute Transformers tee for the boy and then had to buy Reyna something too, so we got her a Lucky Charms shirt (for St Paddy's day :p) Jose and I are waiting in line bickering like the old married people we are. It starts like this:
Me: I shoulda got Reyes a long sleeve tee to go under this one, you know he likes to wear them under his tee shirts
Jose: why? when he comes home she just takes them off complaining he's too hot
Me: but he likes his own little 'style' he keeps it on at school and just likes the way it looks
Jose: That boy is a punk
Cashier: How old is your son?
Jose and I: 4
Cashier: (trying to stifle her laughter looking surprised) I thought he was a teenager from your conversation.

God got angry and killed them with plates

My kid makes me laugh so hard. I take Reyes out on a date the other night while Jose and Reyna are at the daddy/daughter dance. We decide on Pizza Hut and the mall. We have a lovely dinner with him doing his impression of the dancing zombies in the Thriller video. We then head to the mall. We hang out at the Hallmark store and listen to pretty much every musical card. He asks if he can listen to the card 'where God got angry and killed them with the plates. I so had no clue what this kid was talking about; the card showed a cartoon drawing a lady on stage, looking a little opera-esque I guess, holding a candleabra. I asked him what he meant. "You know mommy, God killed them with the plates" HUH???? I ask again what the heck he was talking about. "Remember we went to church and then came home and watched the Rugrats and he killed them with the plates" OK, we went to observe a Seder with Reyna's 6th grade religious ed class, then came home and watch Rugrats passover, so he could understand the story a little more (or I just really wanted to see it). Maybe, he was talking about the grandma and grandpa fighting about which wine glasses to use for the Seder, glasses are dishes, dishes, plates. I think I got.
I go home and ask Reyna if she knows what her brother might be talking about. Noop, she doesn't get it. I ask Jose, he explains it to me:
PLAGUES!!!!!!!
nice, well my kid sorta understood the story and I'm pretty proud of him.

Homeboy shoulda got a ho phone

Seriously, Dennis Archer where have you gone? Freman Hendrix, still want the job?
Kwame is NOT my mayor, has NEVER been my mayor and I NEVER voted for that pimp that ho'd out my city.

Brother, why are you sooooo arrogant to think you can do the things you do and get away with it? Oh, I forgot we live in a city that will probably re-elect, your no integrity having ass again because they liked their 'hip hop thug' mayor. Buncha stupid losers.

People are angry, sad, dumbfounded; me? I'm just saying, "I told you so" I've been saying since he was elected he is not worth anything in my opinion.

He had an affair. Big flipping deal, I don't care if he had a GAY affair, that has nothing to do with the city, that has to do with him. He spent a butt ton of my money on his extravagant lifestyle that included his affairs. Eh, started to irritate me, BUT again, not going to make a big deal about it, I hated him before he was in office and predicted as much.
Brother LIED under oath!!!! He lied under oath in a trial that involved the wrongful dismissal of two officers that were doing their job and called them liars.

You got nerve Kwame. You have got some huge balls to do the crap you do on a daily basis and not think that one day you will be held accountable for your actions.
I've hereby renamed Hizzoner, Kwame Kilpatrick, OJ. No, you didn't murder a white chick and get away with it (but they jury is still out on whether you had a hit put out on that stripper) but you DO think that you are above the law and can get away with whatever you want.

You are a poor excuse for a human being. Repent, pay the city back, pay me back!
If Kim Worthy does not do anything with her investigation in which everyone knows you perjured yourself, then she has no integrity either.

May God have mercy on your soul, because I have no mercy for you at this time KK.

6th Grade Religion Class and Britney Spears

Last week we are eating dinner and watching tv as a family (wonderful family time), TMZ is on and it's on a channel where they are NOT playing commercials at this time so I leave it there. Reyna tells me, Britney Spears came up in our conversation in Religion today. Me, "Really, how did THAT happen?" She proceeds to tell me they are talking about oppression and Mr. Fischer wants the class to name someone in life that has been oppressed. Reyna tells me, so mom Iain raises his hand, and Iain, being Iain (as she's rolling her eyes) raises his hand and says, "Britney Spears?"
I love the way that wackadoo has even made her way into Catholic school Religion class. How proud she must be.

The age of technology

Since when do 'real' hardcore gangsters post pics of themselves on myspace?????
hmmmmmm I don't think they do, but these idiot kids in Belleville (do you know how bad gang violence is in Belleville ;) )made national news when they got expelled from their school for posting pics of themselves on myspace with fake guns, lots o' money and fake drugs. They claim they were fake, I believe they were fake. I also believe these little punks should be expelled, they should also be smacked upside their heads, by their mothers and their fathers should take their belts off and giving them good whippings. There I said it. They claim that the expulsion was racially motivated, don't pull the race card sons, it's lame in this instance. I'm the first one to defend minorities, in cases where it's deserved. I think racial discrimination is something that is still the norm in our society; in fact, it happens on a daily basis. BUT, these chumps were acting a fool, thinking they were being 'hard', now they aren't so 'hard' are they, holding on to their parents hands fighting YT, where's Al Sharpton boys? Doesn't sound like your case holds enough water for even him to come to your defense.
Zero Tolerance, what you did caused major distraction in the public school and you should be done away with, maybe a good alternative education program would be good for you? maybe you could go to one of those 'scared straight' programs, oh right, you really aren't 'hardcore' drug dealers and gang members, you're upstanding students in the school right?

Grown Folks Music

Jose calls it 'old people music' I prefer 'Grown folks music'. Yeah, I listen to the old R&B and Soul radio stations on the regular, I like to hear the actual songs of which are sampled by today's hip hop artists. Add to that, I've also started a weird obsession with sappy white girl stuff, where the freak did that come from, I like A Fine Frenzy, Paolo Nutini (seriously I love that guy) and even the Colby Caillat or whatever the freak her name is. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??? don't forget to include the Dawson's Creek soundtrack. I've got issues. I'm a downloading fool. Maybe the music I listen too, is not the highest rated stuff but dangit all if Double Dutch Bus isn't a catchy tune :p
So, until next time, I'll just sit warm in cozy in my urban Detroit home typing away on my keyboard next to the french doors, with the fireplace going and my bull terrier next to me listening to Edwin McCain.

celebutards

My goal in life is to be Gayle King. No, I don't wanna be a black lady; I wanna be Oprah's bff. This lady doesn't have to do anything, but say, 'hey I'm Gayle King, Oprah's best friend' and you know she gets all the perks and what has she done of any noteriety? nada. Sure every few months she's in the Enquirer because she's labeled as Oprah's 'lesbian lover' but psh, I can take that, I've been called worse. Seriously, you know she's living phat and doesn't have the paparazzo stalking her like mad crazy.
I'd love to hang out with Kim Kardashian, Nicole Richie, Victoria Beckham (as long as I don't have to hang out with Tom and Katie), hmmm who else ya got? What contributions have they made to society? nothing, but they look good (for the most part) and can get swag and into any place they want without the wait.
Alright, I'd even settle for being friends with Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag.